No Regrets for the Wicked
by bexxweet
Summary: Petra is a new recruit to the Survey Corps, a shy, quiet girl, involved in a risky relationship with Erwin Smith...but everything changes when she meets Levi on an expedition - the opposite of everything she is who takes over her completely. (Loosely based on the ideas of the No Regrets manga - my interpretation how Levi and Petra met, their relationship.) (ErwinXPetra, LeviXPetra)
1. Chapter 1

My life has drastically changed since I graduated from the Trainee Corps. I'm no longer the quiet girl from the farm, innocent and naïve to the world. I'm still confused. I'm still hurting from all the misfortune I've had thrown in front of me. But I'm surviving. Because I have to. For him.

My inital aim was to join the Military Police. I dreamed of being safe, deep inside Wall Sina, where I could have a family - people to love, and who will love me, until I simply die from old age. I told myself it was because I wanted to see the Capital, the bright colours, the joy, the excitement of living in such a wonderful, lively place. In all honesty, I just wanted to be myself. To be free. I thought that joining the military was the only way I had out.

All my life, I lived with my mother and father in a small farming village. It was tucked away enough that I had never even seen a titan until I graduated as a soldier. My father was a farmer, my mother a seamstress. When I was a child, I was simply expected to help my mother make dresses for all the other girls in the village, following the tradition of all those before me. Sometimes, I'd jump in the back of my fathers cart as he went to work, to explore the land, play freely as all small children should.

"Petra, girls don't farm and play in the dirt. They cook, clean and sew." I can remember my father looking down his nose at me, with the most disgusted look on his face. He spat out his next words as if they were acidic. "If you must fool around in the filth, help your mother plant flowers beneath the windows. Make something beautiful for a change." Then he'd haul me back into the cart, not speaking a single word to me for the entire journey home. We probably wouldn't exchange words again until the next time I'd make another mistake.

Maybe that's why I was a rebel as a child, because I longed for his attention. Maybe it's just because I'm not supposed to be the kind of girl who plants flowers and cleans for the rest of her life. I knew I was different, I just didn't know how. I didn't know how to figure it out for myself. It wasn't as if I even had any friends as a child to help me find who I truly was. The girls didn't like me because I wouldn't play dolls, and the boys thought I was a freak for wearing jeans and picking worms out of the ground. Like that wasn't what they did. But in my village, you were supposed to act a certain way. Be a stereotype. Conform to what society wants you to be. I never had a true friend. I never had a boyfriend. Even my parents rejected who I really was. So I signed up to join the military, much to the entire village's disgust. If they didn't hate me enough already, they did now. My father didn't speak a word, didn't even look me in the eye on the day I left. Like I had disgraced the family's name. I couldn't care less. I would be free, to be myself, to start again. I would be stronger. I would achieve my dreams. I left without looking back.

**Present Day:**

All my training had brought me to this day. I was finally graduating. I looked at my friends around me, beaming smiles on their faces, like it was the best day of their lives. For most of us, it was. We've all had hardships in our lives, and that was something I learnt whilst training with them for all those years. There wasn't many of us who have had an easy life. There wasn't many privileged people in the military.

I'm sure my heart stopped beating for a second when Zackley walked onto the stage in front of me, ready to deliver us to our fate. That's when everything changed. I felt my stomach twist as he read the results out. I wasn't in the Top 10. I was #24, just below Henning. God, I'm stupid for even thinking I'd rank high. Suddenly, I stopped listening to Zackley's great speech and all I could hear was a high pitched ringing in my ears. I could feel my head spinning and my whole body shaking as if I was going to be violently sick any minute. I had worked so hard, so damn hard, harder than I ever worked back at home...but I guess that's a completely different type of work. I couldn't even think straight, what the hell was I supposed to do? My dreams of joining the Military Police and living inside Wall Sina were obliterated. That's the only reason I signed up in the first place. Stupid, I know, to get my hopes up. I really believed I could do it - if I worked hard enough...and I worked so fucking hard that I'd go back to my dorm with bleeding hands and bruises all over my body every night I trained. All for nothing. I closed my eyes as I could just make out the sound of the loudspeaker welcoming the leaders of the three divisions. I couldn't look at them. If I saw them, I'd probably pass out. I wrapped my arms around my chest to try and hide the shivers running through my entire body.

_~I can't do this. I'm not joining the Garrison. Sent to patrol? I'll only end up back in that hell I call my hometown, and what would they think of me then? God, fuck what they think, I couldn't do it to myself. I can't live within these same walls for the rest of my life. But the Survey Corps? I'm nowhere near skilled enough, I've never even seen a Titan, it'd be the end of me, I'm stronger than I was before but I'm nowhere near that strong...not strong enough to survive against them. Maybe I should just join the Garrison. I mean, I can always protest against going back home? I'm sure they'd understand, they must have it all the t-~_

"Welcome, new recruits."

My rambling thoughts were interrupted by a low, husky voice booming through the speaker. My eyes shot open before he could even finish the sentence. That's when I saw him. A man who could have been sent from heaven for all I knew. There was nobody like him back home. He was a giant of a man, at least 6'2, his blonde hair pushed perfectly to the side, his piercing blue eyes staring into us all from under his dark, full eyebrows. His jaw was perfectly chiselled and the right side of his mouth grew into a half smile as he scanned us all. I'd never seen such a beautiful man in my life. I couldn't take my eyes off his shirt that perfectly formed around the abs he couldn't hide if he wanted to. If only that jacket wasn't there...

That jacket. My eyes widened as I saw the crest he wore with pride, and I realised my panicked train of thought earlier had caused me to miss the most important part of the entire ceremony. Choosing your division. My mind had chosen for me, without my heart having a say.

I was part of the Survey Corps.

My arms dropped to my sides as I lost all physical control of my body, it took me all my strength not to fall to my knees. There wasn't many people left around me, they'd all gone to join the Garrison. Half of the people around me looked just as scared as I did. Much different to the smiles we all wore only moments ago. Henning was still here, his eyes empty, fixed into the distance as if he was having the exact same thoughts as I, about being a damn coward, a sheep that's lost their way. He wanted to join the Military Police too, that was one thing we bonded over in when we were training - how we both wanted to escape and just be fucking happy for once. Was that even possible now? I'll be dead in months, maybe even weeks. The only thing my petite figure is good for is running away. That was the thing I got marked highest for in training - speed. Maybe if I just run now...

Erwin's voice broke through my thoughts yet again. It was like my mind couldn't focus on one thing, like it was scattered around in broken pieces. Like my entire life has been for as long as I can remember. Broken.

"I hope you all know what you're getting yourselves into. The Survey Corps are not weak hearted. We're strong, probably the strongest." Erwin chuckled to himself, before maintaining his strong persona and his facial expression that just screams power. "I understand some of you may be more skilled than others, and we will be putting you into teams depending on your rank score. The strong with the weak. We will balance you, nobody will be left behind. Death is something that you will have to learn to accept, to deal with, and only by working together, and working hard, can we overcome and beat it. But you will never forget the pain. We will train you. We will make you stronger. You'll learn what it really means to protect society, fight against the Titans, and fight for what you believe in. I don't want anyone to be scared, but you must learn that this is a hard and gruelling mission that we have. I will help you as much as I can, but there is only so much I can do. You must find yourself."

Erwin's last words hit me harder than anything he had said before. I must find myself. He spoke with such conviction that I was ready to believe anything he told me. He could tell me the world had stopped spinning and I would believe him. I can do this. I can fight through this.

I will not be the naive little girl from the farm anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

I have officially been in the Survey Corps for a week now. Honestly, it's not as bad as I had expected it to be, but then again, we haven't been on an expedition yet. Our living arrangements have been sorted into 4 different houses, for each of our higher ups - Hanji, Mike, Erwin and Dita. I've counted myself both blessed and cursed to be living under the same roof as Erwin. For the last week, my breath has caught in my chest and I've gone weak at the knees every time he's walked past me. I didn't think it was possible to have this level of attraction towards someone. I've lived behind bars all my life, and now I'm free to love. Of course, he hasn't shown me the slightest hint of interest. I can't stop thinking to myself that maybe he chose me to live in his court for a reason, maybe he had seen me and felt the same attraction that I do for him, but his distance proves me wrong. I shouldn't expect him to treat me any different from the other recruits, but I want him to. I want him to so badly. A man a few years older than me, Gunther Schultz - another new recruit in our dorms - has noticed my uncontrollable affection towards Erwin. It happened yesterday, when we first went to meet our horses at the stable.

"_God Petra_, do you really have to pull that face when you look at the Commander?" Gunther said with the most sarcastic tone imaginable, raising his eyebrows at me and flicking his finger against my mouth. Only then making me realise that my teeth were pulling on the right side of my lip with longing as I watched Erwin simply fix the saddle onto his horse. I felt my cheeks turn red as Gunther burst out laughing, making the entirety of our team turn to look at us. Including Erwin. This in itself made my face turn into an even darker shade of scarlet, if that was possible, and Erwin gave me that smile of his that makes me want to throw my heart up. Reading my reactions like a book, he lowered his eyes and let out a chuckle to himself. He walked over and put his hand on my shoulder as I lifted my hand up to my face to bite my nails away. Anything so I didn't let out some stupid noise as he touched me.

"May I ask what this commotion is about, Petra?..Gunther?" Erwin spoke softly, and the weight of his hand on me was sending shivers down my spine.

I tried to speak, to cover up what was actually being said..about him.

"I-I just-I just w-"

"She just looks like a horse is all, I couldn't help but laugh seeing her stood next to one!" Gunther blurted out, as if that could make my situation any better at all. I think I'd rather have Erwin know how much I want him to want me, rather than have him think I look like a damn horse. I felt Erwin's hand tighten on my shoulder as he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"That's not a nice way to speak to your comrades, Gunther. I'd show a little respect." Erwin pulled my shoulder back so he could look me in the eyes, and yes, my face was going bright red again. "I don't believe you look like a horse, Petra", he grinned, lowering his head but still looking up through his eyelashes at me with his gorgeous blue eyes. And with that, he walked off, helping other new recruits around the stable. I never thought the Commander himself would get involved with us, to help the new recruits. I expected him to be in an office, or outside the walls, or with the professionals, but I was wrong. I shouldn't expect to know anything about this man.

Gunther came to my side and playfully elbowed me in the ribs.

"You know I was only trying to save your ass right? It was the first thing that came to my head, y'know? Next time I can just tell him how much you want to fuck him, if you'd prefer me to just get it out in the open for you?", he laughed.

I knew he was just being playful, but the thought of him even knowing just terrified me. The thought of having sex with him...terrified me. I didn't want him like that. I don't know how I wanted him, I just did. I've never even kissed anyone, I'm not ready to jump into bed with the first muscular blonde I see. Gunther rolled his eyes and started walking away from me back into the dorms. "God, take a joke Petra, there's no need to look like you've seen a ghost. Lighten up. I'm not actually going to say anything, do you really think that badly of me? I'm joking for fucks sake."

His words stung and I hated myself for taking everything so seriously. I wanted people here to see me for who I want to be, not someone who's easily hurt and swayed by words. Gunther is the only person who'd really spoken to me the past week, and I didn't want to push away his friendship by acting cold and scared. I started packing up my saddle in silence, no longer in the mood for anyone to speak to me.

"Petra, a word?"

- Except him. My emotions all blurred together into one, and I turned around to see Erwin stood there, the sun shining behind him like he was a god, his calm smile relaxing me at once.

"You're not upset by what Schlutz said, are you? I want you to know that I don't take well to anyone treating others badly here, and I won't have anyone getting hurt, especially not a tiny little thing like you. If you'd like to be moved to a different house I ca-"

"I don't want to move!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"I-I'm sorry for interrupting you Commander, I, I just...he hasn't hurt my feelings, I'm fine. He told me he was joking." I stammered, forcing a smile towards Erwin to hide my constant embarrassment around him.

Erwin smiled back and started to help me pack away my equipment I had left.

"I was wondering if you would do a favour for me, since you're in _my house _now." he purred.

"Y-yes Commander, of course."

He stopped, a stern expression suddenly covering his face, with hint of something else I couldn't quite figure out gleaming in his eyes. "Clean the kitchen when you get back. With Eld of course", he smirked, handing me the rest of my equipment with a nod and following Gunther's trail back to the house. I stood there in silence for a minute, watching him walk away, wishing I knew what the hell went through the minds of the people here.

That evening, I wandered down to the kitchen, to clean as Erwin had asked. Without a doubt, I expected him to come out with a favour slightly more work orientated than this. Why was I even doing this for him? When I got there, Eld was already at work, scrubbing away at the dishes from our meal earlier. He was putting them away still half dirty, the expression on his face telling me that he didn't want to be here, at all.

"It's about time you turned up" Eld snapped. "What took you so long?" He looked at me waiting for me to answer, but I had nothing. "Whatever, don't answer. As if you had anything better to do." he muttered, throwing the sponges at me, which I obviously didn't catch, drenching me with water in the already freezing room. The walls were made of stone, like an old castle, and whilst it was sturdy, was probably the worst place to be in the winter. I picked the sponges up off the floor and slammed them onto the table.

"Whatever, Eld. What do I have left to do?"

"Whatever's left", he mumbled, walking swiftly out the door, leaving me to do 'whatever's left'. Which was apparently most things. I didn't have the courage to call him back. I didn't want my comrades to hate me on our first week here. As well, Erwin wants me to do this. I'd do it better than Eld ever could. If I can impress the Commander, I can get further here.

Nearly two hours had passed, the moon was up, and I was still working on the things Eld had been to incapable to clean. I guess that's the only good thing I learnt from living at home - cleaning. Not that I expected I'd ever be doing it here. I was stood on the table, trying to dust the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, when I heard a knock on the open door behind me.

"Still here?" Erwin chuckled, leaning against the door frame. He wasn't in his uniform, just his trademark white shirt with some black pants and a beautiful green gem hanging around his neck. A bottle of whiskey in his hand. "Come, sit with me".

I climbed down from the table and stood, watching carefully as Erwin pulled out a chair and put his glass down, sitting to slowly pour himself another drink. He smiled, looking me up and down, smirking as he saw my still damp shirt clinging to me. He pulled out the chair next to him, repeating his last words. "Sit with me."

Slowly, I perched on the end of that chair, being careful not to get too comfortable in his presence. He obviously noticed this, and chuckled, edging his seat closer to mine. When I didn't move, he turned back to face his drink, taking it and swirling the liquid around with ease.

"How have you found the past week, Petra? Have I been too hard on you?" he breathed in a sultry tone, his eyes gleaming as he looked into mine.

"No, Commander, it's - it's been great so far, I -"

"Call me Erwin", he said, taking a sip of his drink. "Just not when the others are around." When I didn't respond, he offered out his whiskey to me. "Drink?"

"I don't drink Comman-..Erwin." I blushed just saying his name. Being able to call him by his first name as if we already had some bond was something I couldn't have anticipated. All the thoughts I have had about him, the thoughts of him holding me in his arms, being the one I'd maybe even...

My heart was racing and I felt the embarrassment make its way through me as he laughed when I turned away the drink. Most people here had drunk before, have experienced life, except for me. He probably thought I was pathetic. A child. I fidgeted in my seat before taking a deep breath, letting it out with my words. "I guess maybe a little won't hurt."

Erwin had a devilish smile on his face as he passed me the glass, and I wondered if the only reason he was being so friendly with me was because he could be drunk. I took the glass and closed my eyes as I knocked it back, coughing and spluttering as soon as I had swallowed it. He took the glass from me, setting it down and puting his arm around my shoulder.

"See, that wasn't too bad, was it?" he whispered seductively into my ear, his warm breath sending me into a haze. "More?"

I couldn't even form words, I just nodded my head and watched him pour more alcohol into the glass in front of us. He took a swig, then handing me the glass and watching me knock it back. I didn't cough this time, and I felt how warm the liquid was as it went down my throat.

"I'm going to treat you well whilst you're here Petra." he breathed, his body moving along his chair and closer into mine. He was only centimeters away from me now, and even though it was only his arm around my shoulder, I had never been to physically close to a man in my life. In the cold stone kitchen, I could feel the heat of his body, the heat of the whiskey, the fire burning in my heart. "You can be my top student", he whispered.

My words caught in my chest, and as I turned my head to face him, I wished that I hadn't. I think the longing must have shown in my eyes, and as soon as he realised how I saw him in this moment, he stood up, picking up his glass and the bottle to accompany it. He smiled, still speaking in the deep, seductive tone that he had been since he entered the room.

"I'll see you in the morning for training. Don't be late." he winked, turning away to leave.

I stayed in my seat, watching him leave, unable to move, then to be surrounded by silence. I was feeling things I had never felt before, my body and my mind and my soul were reacting to Erwin in ways that I didn't know were possible. He had shown me the attention I was so desperately craving from him.

I needed more.


	3. Chapter 3

I walked to training not knowing what to expect. I hadn't slept at all last night, and I could feel the bags under my eyes. My mind was distracted with thoughts of Erwin - what to do, what to say.

"Hey, Petra, wait up!"

I turned around to see Gunther jogging over to me, waving his arms around like a mad-man until he caught up.

"Goddamn, you look rough" he laughed, and when I didn't respond, a worried look crossed his face. "Are you okay Petra? You don't look too good. If you wanna skip out on training, I totally don't mind skiving with you", he said, flashing a devilish grin at me.

I thought back to last night, of Erwin's words. Don't be late.

"No, it's fine, I'm going to training. I'm just a little tired. It's different here, y'know? It's weird adjusting."

"I hear ya on that one. You think they'd make it a little more..homely. These beds are uncomfortable right?" he chuckled.

"Yeah...something like that."

When Gunther wasn't being an ass, he really did take my mind off things. He was so light-hearted, never taking anything too seriously, except when he was fighting. It was nice to be around someone who could just calm me down...even if it was only for 10 minutes. When we got to training, most of the other recruits were already there, surrounding Erwin as he stood on the bench to address everyone. He looked pissed, and with every word he spoke, he was getting louder and louder, until he was practically shouting.

"I've told you before Olou. We do this training each week to keep you at your best. So we can monitor you, see who our best soldiers are and rank you higher. Or would you prefer to _never_ learn new skills? Do you want to be a shitty soldier forever? Would you like to know how I became Commander? I practised. We didn't have weekly practise when I was a new recruit. I did it on my own, and I became the best, because I worked for it. I've been kind enough as to devote my time off, to help you all, so don't you dare throw that back in my face, or you'll be the first to be eaten by a Titan when we're on our expedition next month."

I had wondered why Erwin helped the newbies so much. I didn't know it wasn't mandatory. He might have been harsh on Olou, but he had a point. Erwin was doing this for us, not for himself. He was a good man, with a devotion to his job, even with the amount of pressure there was on him. Olou however, was the opposite. He was an ass who seemed not to care less.

"Gunther, Petra, I'm glad you finally decided to join us." Erwin said sarcastically as he saw us join the back of the group. "I thought I put out the memo not to be late", he said, staring at me.

Gunther suddenly spoke up. "What? You never said th-"

"Shut up, Gunther." Erwin snapped. It took a moment for me to realise it was in private when he said not to be late, and only to me. Could he really have forgotten about the moment we shared last night? Was he that way he was with me, to everyone? Last night I was thinking that he could really like me, and doubt started to wash over me.

Adjusting the top button on his shirt, Erwin gained back his calm and collected manner, and that tone of voice that I had learnt was his 'official' speaking voice.

"There's a lot I want to observe today. Not fighting style, but speed. Agility. You will follow a circuit and I will see how you move whilst using your 3DMG. If everyone would be so kind as to follow me, we can get started. Unless of course, you'd like to be eaten by a Titan."

My hopes picked up hearing what we would be doing. Speed is the one thing I was good at. This was my moment to impress Erwin, to show him that I'm not incompetent at this. I strapped on my 3DMG, and followed the others to the training site, as Olou stood in shock that finally someone stood up to him. Asshole.

I was the last person in line to do the circuit, and saying that nerves had got to me would be an understatement. I could do this. I was good at this. I needed to prove myself, not just to Erwin but to everyone. I was sick of getting zero respect, with the exception of Gunther. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I kicked myself off the ground.

Everyone was stood waiting at the finish line when I got to the end, and as I landed on my feet, my heels dug into the dirt below me, dragging it up from the speed I was going. I looked up at everyone as they stood there in silence, mouths open. Did I not follow the circuit right? Had I hurt someone? I had felt the branch of a tree snap off behind me as I was moving through the air, but I didn't turn back to look. I was determined to get to the end of the track swiftly and quickly. Had that branch hit someone? I felt myself go pale when nobody spoke one word.

Suddenly, Gunther broke the silence and I gave him the most thankful look.

"Holy shit Petra, that was fucking amazing!" he shouted, running over to me and slapping his hand on my back, getting me in a headlock and ruffling my hair. "I've never seen you move like that before!"

Was I really that good? Relief washed over me as everyone began to talk among themselves again, and Erwin began to walk over to us, a smile beaming on his face.

"That was the best time we've had today, Petra." Erwin said. " You cleared the circuit in two minutes. Everyone else took at least two and a half, nearly three. You definitely have the upper hand when it comes to speed. Just try not to destroy your surroundings next time", he chuckled. "Good work out there today. I'll be remembering this. You'll be on my team in the expedition. Keep it up."

I couldn't help but break into the biggest smile I'd been able to muster since I arrived here. I had finally done something to prove that I belong in the Survey Corps. Gunther looked at me, and he smiled to himself as he finally saw me smile, properly.

"Let's get back home, Petra. I can imagine you need food and sleep after that performance!" Gunther said, ruffling my hair again as we walked back together, both of us happy together for the first time.

Walking back to my bedroom that night, I walked past Erwin's office, and couldn't help but overhear what sounded like a heated argument. I didn't mean to linger, but I did. He was arguing with a woman, and I remembered what I thought earlier...about Erwin flirting with every girl he saw here. It made me feel sick to my stomach, and all of a sudden, I was extremely interested in what this argument was about.

"Goddamnit Erwin, you can't!"

"Who says I can't? I'm the Commander here, not you. Have you forgotten that? I'll do as I please."

"Even if it means putting people in danger? Putting new recruits in danger? New recruits who won't be able to handle it?"

"It's ONE new recruit. And she won't be in danger, Hanji! You should have seen her out there today. She can handle it. We need someone with her speed with us on this one. This isn't an expedition outside the walls, this is different."

"What if he kills her? You think this man won't risk innocent lives to get away? Do you think she's killed before? Like we have? We've dealt with death for years Erwin, she hasn't. I think you're making a bad move."

"We'll all be there. She'll be fine. I'm not going to let anybody die. Not you, not her. Trust me on this Hanji. You know my plans come through. We need to find this man, and she can help."

There was a silence for what felt like hours as I stood anxiously at the door. They were talking about me. Erwin was talking about me. He wanted me to help with something, and by what I was hearing, I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

"Fine." Hanji said. "Do what you want. I've always followed your orders Erwin, and I'll go with you on this. But if anything happens to her, don't say I didn't tell you so. Remember this - I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces.

I heard someone's footsteps getting closer to the door, and I bolted around the corner, my back flat against the wall, my breathing heavy. I crept to my room and flung myself onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. Hanji didn't make whatever this was, sound inviting. I'd have to pretend as if I hadn't heard a thing, as if I was oblivious to this unnamed mission that Erwin wanted me to take part in. I wanted to prove myself, but if it was a mission even Hanji was unsure about. I'm not ready yet.

I had no idea what to expect tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

I was woken up by the knocking at my door. I opened my eyes to realise it was still dark outside, the sun hasn't even begun to rise. I let out a groan and pulled the sheets over my head - one thing we didn't get enough of here was sleep, and I wasn't going to let any of my precious sleeping time go to waste. They knocked again, louder this time, and I decided I'd just pretend I was in a deep sleep if whoever it was happened to question me later today. I'd happily speak when it becomes an acceptable time to be awake. I closed my eyes and kept hidden under my sheet, freezing when I heard the sound of keys unlocking my door from the outside.

Erwin.

He had a set of keys to every room in the building, in case of emergency. At the end of the day, he was responsible for all of us. I remembered the conversation I overheard last night, something about some form of mission that Erwin wanted me to be a part of. I had fallen asleep last night thinking about what I would do. Hanji's words had put me off - she's the crazy one, and if she thinks is a bad idea, it probably was. Nothing is too bad for her...except this. I kept the blanket over my head and slowed my breathing, hoping he'd go away if he thought I was sleeping deeply enough. I was wrong.

"Petra. Petra, wake up. We need to speak, now." Erwin said, not even trying to whisper or be subtle about the fact he'd just walked into my bedroom to wake me at god knows what time in the morning. "Petra!" he snapped, pulling the cover off my face. I slowly opened my eyes and pretended I felt groggy from being so rudely awoken. I rubbed my eyes and tried to put on a tired voice. I had to pretend like I knew nothing.

"Wh- what...Erwin? What do you want?"

I opened my eyes properly as Erwin sat down on the bed next to me, letting out a sigh. I was suddenly aware of the fact that I only slept in my underwear, and pulled the sheet up around my neck, my cheeks reddening. For once, Erwin didn't notice my expression. He was staring at his hands, his eyebrows furrowed as he was deep in thought. His head shot up and he turned to look me dead in the eye. His hair was messy, not in his usual neat style, and he hadn't shaved yet this morning, slight stubble protruding. He looked even sexier than normal when he looked so dishevelled in the morning. He was in his boxers, with the exception of his trademark white shirt, not bothering to do all of the buttons up, the top of his chest in plain sight.

"I'm sorry to visit you at this time, Petra. This is just something I need to talk to you about in private. It's nothing for you to panic about, don't worry." he said, smiling at me, and when I returned that smile to him, he relaxed his shoulders and adjusted his position on the bed so he could be more comfortable. Having him on my bed, looking like he did, when I was hardly dressed was **not** good for my emotions. When I didn't respond, he continued his speech, which became blatantly obvious that he had it planned out before he came in. I couldn't tell whether that was sweet, or dangerous.

"I'd like you to come on a mission with us. It's not the usual kind of work the Survey Corps do, but you'd be perfect for it." he smiled, attempting to push his blonde hair out of his face, looking at me with his strong gaze.

"I did those tests at training for a reason, I wanted to see who was the fastest soldier, who could help me, and that was you. You won't be fighting, don't worry. All I need is for you to come with us and track someone. We're not sure what to expect from him, we've heard rumours, but we need to catch this guy. You can help us, Petra. I believe you're the only one who can help me." he said, reaching over to tuck my hair behind my ear.

I blushed and looked over at him, getting lost in his sky blue eyes, until his words really made sense to me.

"A-a man? You want me to capture...a human? We're not supposed to fight each other Erwin, that isn't how we live...right?"

"You're right Petra, I know that. Believe me, it's the last thing I want to do. The Military Police won't handle this, we're the only hope. He's dangerous, he's a menace to society, a thief, a thug, a criminal who survives purely on his wits and agility." Erwin put his arm around me and pulled me into his chest, the warmth of his skin where his shirt was open heating my face. "Only you and I can do this." he whispered into my ear.

"It's only going to be us?" I whispered back.

"Well, there's going to be other people there. Hanji, Mike, Dita. They're backup. They're not as fast as you or I, we're the ones who must follow him. The rest of them will follow on the rooftops, trying to track him and slow him down for us. I have it all planned out - there's absolutely nothing for you to worry your pretty head about." He leant in closer to me, muttering deeply into my ear. "So no...to answer your question, we're not alone. Except for right now."

His arm tightened on my bare shoulder as he pulled me over, turning my body to face him, my chest against his. It was then when he remembered I was in nothing but my underwear, as he looked down at me, a seductive smile on his lips.

"As your Commander, Petra, I'd recommend wearing something to sleep in. What if the Titans were to attack?" he teased, raising his eyebrows and tracing his fingers across my collar bones, biting at the corner of his lip. I laughed, not knowing what else to say. I slowly raised my arm to his chest and ran my fingers across the lines of his muscles, his perfectly shaped abs. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes as he kept his hand on the top of my chest, his other hand reaching into my hair, pulling my head forwards so he could kiss my forehead.

As I felt his hands running through my hair, across my chest, I realised this was the first time a man had ever seen me without clothes on. The first time a man had ever kissed any part of me, had touched me, the first time a man had been in the same bed as me. The first man I'd ever touched a part of. I felt butterflies in my stomach as the hand that was on my head ran down, tracing my spine and slowly wrapping itself around my hips, bringing them closer to his. His deep, husky voice filled my head and sent me dizzy as he whispered his next words.

"Do you want me, Petra?"

I knew that I did. From the moment I saw him, I knew there was something about him and I couldn't deny that it had been driving me crazy. Every minute I wasn't with him, I thought about him. I had wanted him to want me, and maybe he thought the same.

"I want you, Erwin." I whispered, looking up at him from under my eyelashes.

He brought his lips closer to mine, until they were only millimeters apart. It took all my strength not to lean in and grab him.

"So, will you do this for me? Will you join me in the mission?"

"I'll join you, Erwin."

I felt him smile as he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my neck, leaving soft kisses all the way up it. I closed my eyes, and let him. I had wanted this so damn much.

"Good. That means I can do this."

Erwin pulled me into him, and with one swift movement, placed his lips on mine. I felt the warmth as he kissed me, and I moved my lips to flow with his. He squeezed my hips and grinded his against mine, slowly adding his tongue into our kiss, my heart going wild as I threw my arms around his neck and copied his every movement. I ran my hands through his already messy hair, taking a moment to pull my head away and look into those eyes I loved so much. They sparkled with curiosity and delight, and I think mine reflected that too. He wasted no time in placing a hand on my ass, the other in my hair, pulling me in to continue our kiss. I freed a hand from around Erwin's neck and began unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, and he let out a deep, short moan as his hand around my ass tightened. We were in deep now, unable to tear ourselves away from each other.

Then the alarm sounded. The communal 'wake up' alarm that went off at 7am every day.

"Damnit." Erwin muttered, closing his eyes and pushing his hair back. He gave me one last quick kiss, a ten wonder on my lips. He stood up to button his shirt, his back to me, and he walked to my dresser to pick up a towel.

"I'm borrowing this, okay?" he said, wrapping it around his waist and turning to wink at me. "I can't be walking around with this on show. I guess you can see it at a later date, right? I just don't know if it's professional for me to rock an erection in the hallway. I'll see you at dinner."

Erwin left, leaving me breathless, unable to process what had just happened. I just had my first sexual encounter. With my commander.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's note:** In the previous chapters it says Olou which I've now changed to Aurou as that seems to be more widely used. Why is there like 10 different spellings for the names of these characters?! I hope this doesn't confuse anyone! _

I laid flat on my bed, letting all my tension out with a huge sigh, and the smile grew on my face, staying there until my cheeks were hurting. Erwin had left over 10 minutes ago and I hadn't even been able to bring myself to move. I felt my body whirring as I thought about everything Erwin did to me this morning...it was as if I could still feel his hands on me, his lips on me, caressing each and every part he could. I closed my eyes as they rolled to the back of my head when I ran my fingers up and down my abdomen. Is this what being turned on feels like? Erwin wanted me just as much as I wanted him. That's why I was going on this mission with him - because I'd do anything for that man.

Gunther's voice outside my door broke me out of my daydream and I quickly shot off the bed, standing in the middle of my room, for some reason, not having a clue what to do.

"Petra, are you not awake yet? What the fuck?"

"I...give me two minutes!" I shouted back, throwing on my running clothes and re-doing the ponytail in my hair, pinning back the sides where they were too short to reach. After quickly splashing some water over my face, I strode over to open the door, to Gunther leant across the wall opposite to me.

"About damn time. Come on, let's go already, you're already half an hour late to meet me!" he exclaimed, linking his arm in mine and spinning both our bodies in the opposite direction, banging straight into Aurou. Gunther stopped and glared at him, his eyes burning with some form of rage.

"Before you say anything, I'm not going to apologise to you." Gunther snapped, trying to barge past Auruo again with me still attached to his left arm. Auruo stuck out his elbow so Gunther couldn't get past, and had a genuine look of guilt on his face.

"Can you give me just a minute Gunther? Look, I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you."

He took a moment to look at me, and looked back down at his feet. "To both of you", he muttered. He cleared his throat with a cough and stood upright again, sticking out his chest like some kind of pidgeon that's too big for his own boots.

"I've been thinking a lot about what Erwin said. I've been slacking...and I've been treating people like shit. So can you stop being an ass to me now? I'm the one who's sorry, okay?"

Gunther let out a short bark of a laugh and raised his eyebrows, an amused look over his face as he looked at me, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing with him. Having Auruo apologise was like Erwin being a short, dark haired reject. Auruo was the opposite of whatever the hell he was pretending to be at this particular moment. Gunther managed to pull himself together, a grin still on his face.

"Whatever man. Me and Petra are going running so we'll see you around. I think it's gonna take a lot more than some half assed apology in the hallway for me to wanna forgive you for being King Asshole."

"Well, can I come?" Auruo quickly jumped in. "I told you I'd been thinking about what Erwin said, about how I need to train...he's right, I do. I need to get better or I'll be fucking Titan food. Let me join you, and if at any point you want me to leave, I will. Gimme a chance. I'm honestly fucking sorry."

Gunther didn't say a word, only glare, so I sighed and pushed Auruo forward in the direction we were going.

"Fine. Don't hold us back, okay?"

Gunther shot me dagger eyes as Auruo grinned at me, silently thanking me for taking his side when I had absolutely no reason to. I forced a smile back at him and pulled at Gunther's arm as we headed into the fields.

We finally hit the end of our track, and the three of us collapsed at the top of the hill, out of breath and dehydrated. I tugged at my bottle of water and drank the whole thing as quickly as I could, throwing the bottle down and lying down on the grass surrounding me. There was something I found comforting about the fields, the flowers and trees that went on for miles, the blue sky reflecting all the warmth I felt for this place. The fields were the only place inside the walls that felt like you could be free, and sadly, there wasn't many left any more. In that moment, looking at the sky, I was the happiest I had been in years. I had a friend, a home where I felt I truly did belong, and a man that I could kiss every day for the rest of my life. I wrapped my arms around my chest and laid there listening to the birds chirping, the smile on my face almost touching my ears. Gunther rolled over onto his side so he was facing me, and Aurou was on the other side of him, sat up, watching the birds. He'd kept relatively quiet for the whole run, and if he was going to stay like this, then I could certainly learn how to deal with the new him.

"In all the years we've done training, in the weeks we've been here, I've never seen you look this happy, Petra." Gunther said softly. "It's ever since Commander Erwin praised you after the track run the other day."

"Wh-what?" I exclaimed, sitting up as an attempt to hide the burning in my cheeks. Unluckily for me, Aurou was already sat up and he noticed straight away, looking at me puzzled. Gunther sat up to join us, crossing his legs and putting his hand on my shoulder.

"You don't need to be embarrased Petra, you did really well out there, obviously he's going to praise you...why would you be embarrassed about that?"

I had no words to respond to him. I twiddled my fingers within each other and stared at my fingernails, biting the inside of my lip subtely in the hopes that nobody would notice. But they did, and just as I thought I could deal with Aurou, my opinion changed right back again.

"Holy shit, you've got a fucking thing for him!" Aurou shouted, throwing his water bottle at me and bursting out with laughter. Gunther turned and hit Aurou's arm, not enough to hurt, but enough to move his body.

"Ignore him Petra, tell him to stop being a damn idiot," Gunther said, rolling his eyes.

I couldn't. I couldn't deny how much I liked Erwin even to cover myself. I couldn't say those words when all they'd be is a lie. I sat in silence as both Gunther and Aurou stared at me for an eternity.

"Petra?...Hahahaha, oh fuck me." Auruo laughed, finally punching Gunther's arm back. "I'm like a psychic, right? God, you and the Commander? I'm sorry Petra, but you need to get that out of your head. He's nearly twice your age, not to mention he's pretty much the complete opposite of everything you are."

"No he's not!" I shouted back, before I could stop myself. Both of them were taken aback by my sudden cry, I'd never been the type to raise my voice and I think this was the first time they had witnessed it. "I'm sorry, But he's...he's not. He's kind, and - and helpful, and he looks out for those he cares about, which is all of us, and are you saying that I'm not like that? Because that's what _you've_ been telling me for years, Gunther!"

"Hey, I didn't say anything about the Commander, Petra! Don't take it out on me...but you can't be serious right? You've gotta know that's...that it's wrong?" Gunther replied.

I realised how pathetic I sounded, and how Gunther had a serious point. Erwin shouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with me, and if anyone knew about us, then we would end before we had even begun.

"God, I'm sorry guys." I said, letting out a sigh. "It's not that Aurou, _you ass. _He's asked me to go on a mission with him, Hanji, Mike and Nile soon. Based on my score from the track run. I'm just happy to finally be of use, and I'm thankful to him for this oppurtunity. That's why I'm happy and that's why I have respect for him, because he's the first person to see some form of talent in me, and the first person to want to use that." I looked at Gunther, and gave him a warm smile. "I'm just happy that I've found a purpose, for the first time in 19 years. I think I've found my place in the world Gunther, and you're involved in that too."

Returning the smile, Gunther shuffled forward, intrigued with the news I had given him, forgetting all about Aurou's words.

"He wants you to go on a mission with him?"

"Yeah. Not outside the walls though. I don't really have many details yet but...but I trust him, and he promised me I won't be any danger. Like I said, I don't care what it involves, as long as I'm useful to the Corps."

Aurou looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Useful at sucking the Commander's cock?", he barked, laughing at his own joke. Little did he know how much I wished I could respond truthfully.

"God, no, Aurou. You're a perv, do you know that? No." I replied, lying through my teeth.

Gunther laughed, looking at Aurou and elbowing him playfully in the stomach.

"You obviously don't know Petra well enough yet", Gunther laughed. "The day she finally has her first kiss, I'm going to be there with fucking party poppers and cake!"

As much as I wanted to tell Gunther the truth, I knew it was a bad idea right now. It was too nice to see Gunther laughing, it was even weirdly nice to have Aurou around, even if his humour may hit a couple of my nerves. Hearing the two of them laughing together was like music to my ears. I laid back into the grass, the flowers surrounding me, and I closed my eyes.

This moment here, was bliss.

Aurou left us early, so me and Gunther were left to jog back home together. We got to the gardens outside our home, and as I began to walk back, waving goodbye to Gunther, he called out my name and did a quick brisk walk to catch up with me. His voice dropped as quietly as he could get it when he spoke his next words.

"Petra...I know you like the Commander."

I could feel the blood drain out of my face as Gunther stared into my soul.

"I won't say anything, Petra, you know I won't. You're my best friend here, and Erwin's a good commander, whether I like it or not. Just be careful. Promise me you'll be careful. He's brilliant at his job, and so are you. You don't want to jeopodize your career for this. It's just a crush, Petra. Don't give yourself up for the first time for someone like him. It'll never last. I just don't want to see you hurt. Promise me."

"I-I need to go. Thank you, Gunther."

I ran back up to my room and sunk into my bed face first. As soon as I did, I burst into floods of tears into my pillowcase.

I don't think I'll ever know what the hell I'm doing.


	6. Chapter 6

I didn't leave my bedroom at all the next day. I locked my door and ignored any signs of life from outside of it. Gunther had stopped by, and I had heard him knocking for a good fifteen minutes, but I couldn't face him. Not after what he had said to me last night. I trusted Gunther more than anyone, and him telling me not to go near Erwin had hurt me more than I wanted to admit. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't help but want Erwin. I was happy when I was around him. Even seeing him from across a crowded room made my day a million times better. I'd confined in Gunther with everything - he knew I'd never been with anyone before, and him telling me that Erwin shouldn't be my first made me doubt my motives. Was it really that wrong if I was falling for him? Why would Gunther think for a minute that Erwin would hurt me? How would Gunther react if I told him it had happened? I knew that as soon as I saw him, he'd question me about my feelings, and want to know everything, and I just couldn't tell him. I didn't know how to.

I rolled over in my bed and glanced at the clock on the wall. 5pm. I had spent all day laying in my own sadness and any minute now the alarms for dinner would ring out. I crawled out of bed to the mirror, staring into my own red, puffy eyes. I don't know how many hours I'd cried over the last 24, but it was enough to ruin my appearance. I threw on my hoodie and went down to the kitchen early so at least nobody would stare at me when I entered. I sat on the table in the darkest corner, my hood up, staring at the dull wood, hoping that nobody would realise it was me, or that I was even there.

Hope doesn't get you far. Gunther and Aurou walked in laughing together, and our eyes met as I looked up from under my hood. Unluckily for me, they came over to my table, Gunther sitting directly across from me and studying my face. His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced over at Aurou.

"Can you give us a moment, Aurou?"

He nodded, confused, and went to sit with Eld, a soldier who had been there a few years longer than us, but who accepted all of us straight away. Gunther put his hand onto my arm, and I looked back up at him to see a worried and sympathetic face staring back at me.

"Petra, what's wrong? You...you've been crying."

"I don't want to talk about it Gunther. Not now."

"Something's obviously wrong. You know you can talk to me, right? That's what I'm here for. All we've got is each other. And Aurou now, apparently", he chuckled, but when I didn't laugh with him, his face fell back into a frown. "It's not what we spoke about yesterday is it? The mission? I'm sure Erwin won't mind if you back out? If you're worried?

I looked at him, and he read me like a book without me having to say a word. My eyes started to water again and my bottom lip was trembling, and no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it.

Gunther's other hand reached out to me so both hands were squeezing my arms tight.

"It's him, isn't it Petra. Not the mission." Gunther whispered.

A single tear rolled down my face as I nodded. Gunther looked down, and I don't think he knew what to say.

"Petra...have you...you know..." he mumbled, biting his cheek and closing his eyes. I could tell he was disgusted in me, disappointed somehow, and I burst into tears, my breaths catching in my throat. It was a feeling I was used to today.

"I-I...we kissed, Gunther, that's it! Nothing more! We kissed, and laid there together and...I'm happy - he makes me happy, and I...I didn't sleep with him if that's what you're thinking! I wouldn't do that! We-we-"

"I get it." Gunther murmured, cutting me off, and my tears kept flowing hysterically. He had set me off and I couldn't stop.

"Petra...are you happy? With your decision? I know you say you are - but are you really happy that he's your first kiss? I guess I'm a hypocrite to ask that, because my first kiss meant nothing, but he's your Commander, Petra. Without sounding like a dick, he's the first man to give you attention in that way and you've taken it like that's the perfect relationship. I know this is new to you, and I know it might seem perfect, but from experience, trust me, you'll kiss a lot of people before you find the right one. I just don't want you to risk these meaningless kisses with someone who can destroy your career. Again, without sounding like a dick, are you sure he's not just using you for whatever it is he wants you to do on this mission?"

His words stung like a poisonous needle and for a brief second, my tears halted.

"He wouldn't use me." I whispered. My words were meant to come out stronger, but when I tried to say them, they would only come out as a weak croak.

"He likes me Gunther. I know he does. He's a good man...you should know that. He wouldn't do that to me. It's not because he's the fir-...I know how I feel about him. If I can be with him then I don't care about my caree-"

Gunther suddenly cut over me, a bold shout to make sure I'd stop talking.

"So no run tonight then? Man, Petra you suck, I really needed to get my legs working you know?"

I looked at him, confused, a few lonesome tears still in my eyes, and when I looked to my right, I saw Erwin stood there. I quickly wiped away my tears, although I knew my eyes would still be two small puffed out holes. He caught sight of me from under my hood, and his eyes darted between me and Gunther, then to Gunther's hands on my arms, and his eyes narrowed. He sat down on the bench seat next to me and rested his palms on the desk. He was well dressed today, his shirt neatly ironed, his hair perfectly slicked back. He looked almost picturesque. Erwin stared right through Gunther as if he was nothing but a bother when he spoke to him.

"Gunther, I'd like a minute with Petra."

Gunther glanced at me with a worried frown, and I nodded at him to tell him it was fine. He was reluctant to move, and it wasn't until I spoke his name that he nodded back to me and walked over to Eld's table, not taking his eyes off Erwin as he got up.

When Gunther had gone, Erwin put his hand on my leg under the table, where he knew nobody could see.

"You've been crying." he said, speaking the obvious aloud, squeezing my thigh and running his hand up and down it. All I wanted was to rest my head on his shoulder and let it all out, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it here, and even if I wanted to, I couldn't tell him that he's the reason I've been crying all day. His other hand rested on my back, and it was now that I was truly glad I picked the darkest table in the room. I needed this from him. I needed to know that he really did want me. I needed to prove Gunther wrong. He cared. I knew he cared.

"There's a big meeting tomorrow, about the mission. Everyone involved will be there, and we'll be having a briefing and going through the plan. We're leaving next week."

I looked up at him, eyes wide. I didn't think it would be taking place so soon. I didn't know if I was ready. I wanted to enjoy these moments of bliss with him before things could potentially change forever.

"Don't you worry about it. I'll come by your room later tonight. I'll talk to you about it in private, when we're alone together." he winked, and with one last squeeze of my thigh, he got up, and walked to his table with the other squad leaders.

Eld, Aurou and Gunther all turned to look at me as soon as Erwin got back to his seat, and I faked the best smile I could, pushing away my food and standing up to go back to my room. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry any more.

Gunther's words rang in my ears as I walked back upstairs.

_"Are you sure he's not just using you for whatever it is he wants you to do on this mission?" _


	7. Chapter 7

I sat on my bed, staring at the wall, emotionless. Erwin was coming to prepare me for tomorrow, I couldn't break down again, not now. Even though all my feelings were blurred into one, anger, despair, worry, I couldn't let them out. I had got myself into this. I could only blame myself.

There was a quiet knock, and the door creaked open slightly.

"Come in." I called, standing up to pull the door open, but he came in himself.

"Thank you for giving me your time, Petra. I just feel it's important I let you know what you're in for, before the meeting tomorrow. I don't want you to get scared." Erwin said, smiling at me.

"Come, sit with me." he said, ushering me towards my own bed. That was the thing with our doom rooms, the only things we had were a wash basin, bed and wardrobe. We weren't expected to be in our rooms unless we were asleep, the squad leaders assume we'll be working every second of our lives.

We sat on the end of the bed next to each other, and Erwin turned his body so he could look at me properly. I couldn't look at him. Not if he was going to tell me bad news. I didn't want Erwin to see me crumble. He may have seen me with raw eyes before, but I couldn't cry in front of him. Not if I wanted him to take me seriously.

"I'll cut to the chase Petra. You know we're going afer a dangerous man. Our mission is to arrest him, and take him to the Military Police. They'll be the ones to kill him, if they so wish. Which they more than likely will."

"Why can't they just arrest him themselves? What's the point in getting us involved - with something that has nothing to do with us?"

"The Military Police are the top 10 soldiers. There isn't many of them compared to us, we outnumber them, therefore to them, it doesn't matter if any of us die. They won't go because it's dangerous. We're going to the Capital, Petra. To the Underground."

I felt my eyes pull back in shock. Since I was a little girl, all I wanted was to go to the Capital. It's what I had dreamed about, why I wanted to be a soldier. How different it turned out to be. I had heard about the Underground - filled with criminals and vagrants. The deepest sections were the slums, abandoned by all the Government. Growing up on a farm, you wonder if it's a real place, or some myth that started when the Titans last attacked. I never believed there could be a place like that, with humans who lived like that. I never wanted to believe it, but it was real, and I was going there. I nodded my head, still unable to look at Erwin.

"And then what?"

"Then we track him down. From the description we have, he's a short man, with dark hair...he'll be easy to spot, because somehow, he has manoeuvre gear. He also has some form of following, a man and a woman - also with manoeuver gear - who help him commit his crimes. We need to find them and arrest them. But I know they won't go down without a fight. So there'll more than likely be a chase. That's where you come in."

"There's two others?!" I blurted out, staring at Erwin, unable to stop myself. "You told me there was just one! I can't possibly chase down three people all at once, I've worried about just the one man and now the-"

"Then we'll compromise." Erwin said softly, shuffling up the bed and putting his hand on my thigh. "You just go after the short man. From what I've heard about him, he's about the same height as you, so you'll have no bother. The others aren't important. One of us will trail them, but if they get away, it doesn't matter. The man is the one we need. You'll _surely _be able to do that, right? he said, slowly running his hand down my thigh so his fingers were in-between them both.

It was the way he said 'surely'. As if I'd be a useless terrible soldier if I couldn't do it. And with every touch of his fingers in-between my legs, there was no way I was letting him leave.

"I can do that" I whispered, my voice hitching in my throat from the pleasure. I had never been touched before, and even the strokes along my inner thigh were enough to drive me crazy.

"I know you can, Petra." Erwin whispered in a low, sultry tone. He pushed me back onto the bed and laid on his side next to me, propping himself up with his elbow, his other hand still tracing my inner thigh. He let out a low chuckle as I slowly moved my hips towards his hand.

"You haven't got any in a while if you're reacting like this to me," he whispered in my ear, his hand slowly creeping down my waistband.

"I...I..."

Erwin leant down and kissed me with force, his tongue down my throat in seconds, but then he quickly withdrew and placed a finger on my lips, raising his eyebrows and leaning in to continue our kiss. I returned it to him, my tongue against his, my hand tightening it's grip around the pillowcase as I felt his fingers get closer to my entrance. Erwin's fingers ran in circles around my vagina, getting wetter with every soft stroke. He leant back and observed me gyrating against his fingers as he studied my every expression. I didn't even care. I needed him inside me. I bit my lip with pleasure and tried to say nis name through the moans I was concealing.

"Er-Erwin..pleas-"

"Call me your Commander." he shot, looking down at me on the bed beneath him, biting his lip. With his spare hand, he unbuttoned his shirt as the fingers on his other hand traced right on the sides of my entrance. His voice was darker this time, deep and seductive.

"I said, call me your Commander."

"Co-Commander...please." I whispered,staring at the perfect chiselled body that was in front of me. He smirked, and with one swift pull, took off my shorts and underwear. His leg swung over me, and as one hand went up my shirt, he knelt over me, watching my every move as he slowly inserted one finger inside of me. My back arched up and I could tell how wet and ready I was for him. I grinded my pelvis towards him, and I heard him inhale deeply before putting another finger inside of me.

"God, you're so fucking tight" Erwin groaned, slowly moving his fingers in and out, caressing my breast with his spare hand. I let out a groan of pleasure as his fingers rubbed against my nipple, and I felt myself moving faster against his fingers. He let out all his breath at this, unfastening my bra and tugging it off from under my shirt, throwing it into the corner of my room. He moved his fingers faster inside me so we had a rhythm going, and he leant over me, kissing and sucking on my breasts, bruising them straight away. I arched my back with pleasure, and as I did, changed the position of Erwin's hand, pushing his finger right against my clitoris and letting a load moan escape from my throat. He didn't try to make me be quiet this time. His fingers rubbed against my clit in circles, my hips still pumping against him. He crawled down the bed, and as he ran his fingers around me again and again, bit my thighs, slowly getting close and closer to my pussy. He pushed my thighs apart and his face went to my vagina, his fingers being replaced by his tongue. I couldn't control the moans coming out of my throat as his tongue went up and down on my clit, round in circles, as he put his fingers back into me and pumped them as hard as he could, his tongue moving more frantically as I felt my legs start to shake and my hands grasping onto his hair.

"Oh my god...Er-Erwin...Commander..." I moaned, a little too loudly.

I felt my whole body start to tense ans Erwin rose his head up at that word and had two fingers in me, one on my clit, moving simultaneously as he stared at me from under his eyebrows, his hair messed and his shirt hanging open.

"You're a good soldier, Petra", he whispered, his eyes not leaving me as my body collapsed underneath him, a wetness where he had just been.

"So you know the plan. I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."


	8. Chapter 8

The meeting went so much smoother than I could have ever anticipated. I was sat at a round table meeting with Mike, Hanji, Dita, Moblit, and of course, Erwin. I didn't even know Moblit was meant to be there, but apparently he was the only one capable of calming Hanji when she got too over-excited. I felt ridiculously on edge to be surrounded by the most powerful people in the Survey Corps, when I was only a rookie. Erwin had filled me in on most of it the night before, so most of it, I'd heard already.

During the mission, Hanji and Moblit would be one side, Mike and Dita the other, with Erwin and I working on tracking the leader. This way, we were pretty much guaranteed to capture him, and hopefully his gang too. We'd be heading into the Capital by horse, resting within the confines of Wall Sina before heading into the Underground the following night. I managed to stay calm throughout the meeting, much to Mike's surprise. I could tell he didn't think I was right for the job, and I'd prove him wrong too.

* * *

><p>After the meeting, I went straight up to Gunther's room. I had promised him I'd come and tell him everything, partly because he was still worrying, partly because I needed to get it out to someone. Although Gunther didn't approve of whatever my relationship with Erwin was, he was the only person I could tell, and keeping it bottled up inside wasn't helping me mentally.<p>

When I got to Gunther's dorm, he was with Aurou, both sat cross-legged on the floor, playing some stupid card game they had invented. They had become close over the last couple of days, and although Aurou was still a self-obsessed annoying bastard sometimes, he was really trying to be a better person and get along with us all. Gunther and I were the only people who really spoke to him, who were willing to give him a second chance. I think Aurou realised that, and he was starting to give us the respect he had never given us before.

I joined them on the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest as Gunther put his cards down and shuffled closer to me. His eyes darted between me and Aurou, obviously torn between what he really wanted to ask me - what we couldn't talk about whilst Aurou was here.

"How did it go Petra? The mission's going to be okay for you, right?" Gunther asked, and I replied with a huge smile. It was genuine this time.

"It went great, guys." I said, addressing both Gunther and Aurou. "I'm feeling confident that I can do this. We have a perfect plan, and I know I won't fail being paired with Erwin."

I saw Gunther's eyes shift as a suspicious look entered his eyes, but he was quick to hide it from Aurou.

"You're working with Erwin himself?" Aurou blurted out. I blushed and played with a piece of my hair behind my ear. I didn't want Aurou to know what was going on with me and Erwin, but I couldn't hide the way I reacted when I heard his name. Gunther's eyebrows furrowed as he rubbed his head.

"When are you going?" Gunther asked.

"In a few days. We're going to the Capital, to the Underground, to find a man. That's all."

With those words, even Aurou looked shocked. He moved across the floor to me and put his hand on my knee, a concerned expression on his face - something I had never seen, or expected to see from Aurou.

"You can't be serious Petra, they're taking you to that place?" Aurou whispered. "It's dangerous as hell, is Erwin a fucking idiot?"

Gunther stopped him in his tracks.

"Aurou, shut the fuck up. The leaders wouldn't take Petra if they didn't think she could handle it. You've seen her out there. Just...shut the fuck up."

"I'm goddamn worried, Gunther!" Aurou shouted, standing up. "You can't expect me not to react like this! Have you heard about the Underground? Don't even try to tell me you haven't. I'm fucking worried! Petra, you can't go!"

Gunther stood up so his face was inches away from Aurou's.

"Who the hell are you to sit there and tell her what she can and can't do? You'd fucking go if Erwin asked you, Aurou, you can't deny that! You're the one trying to turn things around and be a good soldier and that's exactly what she's doing! Get off your fucking high horse!"

I sat there in silence, hugging my knees closer as I watched my two friends arguing between themselves, spitting their words in each others faces. Why did they have to do this? I was sick of being the reason behind problems, the reason for arguments. This was the second time someone had raised their voice on the subject of me in the space of a week, and I didn't know how much more I could take.

"Can you guys just stop it already?" I called, trying to shout with a crack in my voice and tears in my eyes. "You guys are all I've got okay? I'm going on the mission no matter what. I just want you to support me on this."

Aurou opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again on a second thought. Much to my surprise, he came and put his arms around my shoulders, holding me in a short hug. Gunther stood there with his jaw hanging open as Aurou spoke his next words in my ear.

"I won't stop you then. Just be safe. Be careful. I want you to make it back home, Petra. We need you to."

With that, he left Gunther's room, slamming the door behind him to show his anger towards the other man. Gunther didn't hesitate getting straight to the point he wanted to make from the minute I walked in.

"Do you promise you're not just doing this for Erwin?" he said, bluntly and quickly, a dead expression on his face. I let out a deep sigh. It's true that I was, but I didn't want Gunther to think it was just that.

"It's not _just _for him. I mean fine, maybe part of it is. I really like him, Gunther. I want him to feel the same about me, and I think he does. I'm doing it for both him, and my career. If I'll get ranked higher, and become closer to him, then to me, there's no problem."

"I just think he's got other tricks up his sleeve. I don't trust him."

"How can you say that? He's done nothing but good things for all of us!"

"Because that's his job, Petra! His job is to look after us, but do you know what he's like when he's not playing the role of the Commander of the Survey Corps? What his personality is REALLY like? There's a difference between your work life and personal life Petra, stop being so naive! What is your part in this mission? Are you fucking bait for this man in the Underground? So he'll go after you, a fresh recruit, whilst the veterans catch him in the act? Have you even thought about this?"

"Of course I've thought about that!" I shouted at Gunther. Truth is, I hadn't. I had never thought about what Erwin really wanted me to do, all he had told me was that I'd chase a man. We never spoke about the consequences of this man lashing back out at us. Gunther had a point, but I couldn't satisfy him. I stood up, ready to leave. I couldn't deal with Gunther not being with me on this one.

"Wait, Petra...I don't want you to go. I want you to be the Petra that I first met. The quiet girl who would never dream of doing something so dangerous. I miss that girl. I never saw her with sadness in her eyes. I'm proud of how far you've come, and I'm proud of how strong you are."

I stared at Gunther as I could see tears forming in his eyes, and it's a sight I never thought I'd see. He blinked slowly, trying to clear them, and continued.

"However proud I am of you, you're being reckless. I know about your feelings for Erwin, and you're acting with your heart rather than your brain. Promise me Petra, just promise me, that if he asks you to do anything that could harm you, you'll say no. And I know you won't. But I just need to hear you say that. Promise me that you'll say no to him if he puts your life in danger."

I couldn't take it any more. I ran over to Gunther, throwing my arms around him and burying my head in his shoulder. He truly cared about me.

"I promise Gunther. I won't do anything stupid." I whispered, holding back tears.

"That wasn't what I asked."

I looked up at him, tears forming in my eyes. It broke my heart to hurt Gunther, but he would never be able to understand this.

"I can't promise that to you, Gunther. I just can't."

With that, my arms dropped to my sides, and I left Gunther standing there in his room. It killed me to walk away from my best friend, but I couldn't argue with him, not anymore. He just had to realise that this was happening, whether he liked it or not.

* * *

><p>In between training with Aurou and Gunther, and my late night visits from Erwin, the next few days flew by. I laid out my suitcase, packing clothes, a hairbrush...spare blades for my swords.<p>

I looked up and locked eyes with Aurou and Gunther standing in my room with me. I forced a smile, and ran over to hold them both in my arms. Gunther's words a few nights ago had hit me hard, and I had realised that this could be the last time we were together. We all knew this. A Survey Corps recruit was expected to die for their cause, and I could be meeting that fate. As we stood in our embrace, tears rolled down my cheeks. I was terrified. We held each other for what felt like hours, until I finally broke free from them, holding each of their hands as tight as I could.

"I'll see you soon. I love you both."

The following morning, I grabbed my bag, and headed to the courtyard where our horse and carriage was waiting for us, the sunrise shining through the trees, and I hoped this was a sign for a bright new beginning.

We were heading to the Capital.


	9. Chapter 9 - The Capital

_Author's Note: Levi is coming soon guys! Like next chapter soon! I prooooommiissseee! I need this development first y'all! It's for a good reason! This chapter is quite long, but then it means Levi will be here sooner. It works in my head. ;) Thank you for reading too, you guys make my day with your comments._

* * *

><p>As I stepped into the crisp morning air, Erwin was leant against the side of the carriage, whilst Mike and and Dita were loading the clothes and supplies into the back of them. Hanji and Moblit were nowhere to be seen yet, but I had no need to worry. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Erwin stood there, and I was glad there wasn't anyone who could notice. His skin was positively glowing from the beams of the sun shining on him, his eyes glistening, a smile on his face. His hair was perfectly combed, and you could tell he was going on a business trip. I hadn't seen him look so flawless since the ceremony, and I remembered how I felt about him when I saw him on that day. He's the most handsome man in this world. Kicking his weight off the carriage, he walked over to me, holding my hand in his and kissing it delicately. He didn't even bother to check whether Mike or Dita were watching. I gave him a shy smile as I gazed into his stunning blue eyes, full of excitement and determination. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, not breaking our gaze.<p>

"Are you ready, Petra? You'll be riding along with Mike and I. Hanji, Moblit and Dita will take the other. I'm looking forward to working with you." Erwin said, a gleam in his eye. All I wanted in that moment was to pull his face down to mine and kiss him harder than I ever had before.

The last few nights had been like heaven to me. Erwin had come by my room nearly every night, sending me into a haze where all I wanted was him. He had never pressured me into doing anything, which I was eternally grateful for. I didn't understand how Gunther could think he was a bad person in any way. Despite the passion that Erwin and I shared, he understood that I wanted to take things slow, without me even having to say a word. He must have known I was a virgin by the way I react to his every touch, and he respected that. That didn't stop us from fooling around though. I wanted him so badly, I just didn't want to completely give myself up yet. Beneath my new hardened exterior, I was still that shy girl. Some things wouldn't change, and part of me was proud of myself for that. But it was the same every night. Erwin would satisfy me, and I wouldn't be able to satisfy him. I had only ever touched his chest, I hadn't ever pleased him like he had pleased me. He'd leave straight after every time, leaving me on my own to recuperate myself. I wanted more, but I was unable to give more. I was stuck.

Erwin suddenly pulled away from me, and I looked behind me to see Hanji running down the path towards us, Moblit trailing behind her, trying to keep up and carry both of their luggage at the same time. I couldn't help but let a giggle escape from my lips at the sight of them both. Hanji was the most eccentric woman I had ever met, and I had a respect for Moblit for trying to keep up with her. It reminded me of my relationship with Gunther and Aurou - we were all so different, yet united. Everyone in the Survey Corps had such different personalities, but we stuck together.

As Moblit loaded the last of the supplies, Dita gave the horses one last pet before we went into our separate carriages. As the horses set off, I sat on the edge of my seat, my nerves getting the better of me. Mike slumped into his, taking a deep sniff of the air around us. He had a weird habit of doing this, and I had no idea why. He pulled out a flask of whiskey, catching my surprised look.

"What?" he murmured. "It's gonna be a long ride..."

Erwin let out a low chuckle as he rolled his eyes at Mike. He knew what Mike was like, they had worked together from the beginning. Mike was Erwin's right hand man, and it was of no shock to me that we would be making the journey with him. It just shocked me that I was there with them.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but it felt like hours. Mike had passed out - though whether it was from the whiskey, or the early morning wake up call, I wasn't sure. Erwin moved over slighty in his seat and took my hand in his. His eyes comforted me. However strong he was, however much power he could show with one facial expression, he also had the capability to be able to calm me completely.

"You'll be fine, cutie." he whispered gently, squeezing my hand. I slowly leant in to kiss his lips, and as they met, my hand relaxed in his and I finally fell back in my seat. I ran my fingers through his thick blonde hair. Although it wasn't in lust. The last few days I've started to fall for Erwin more and more. Just having him in my reach was enough to make me fall head over heels again and again. After a couple of seconds, he took my wrist and lifted my hand from his head, placing it on his lower back instead.

"No hair tugging. You know I have to look presentable when we arrive? I'm the one they're entrusting this entire mission with." he whispered, smiling a little with how I just couldn't bear to be away from him. I let out a quiet laugh and pulled myself a little closer into him, looking up into those piercing eyes. Our lips met again, and I could feel the sparks between us. A quiet murmur came from the seat across us, and we both suddenly realised that Mike was there. I quickly pulled away from Erwin, flying into the opposite corner of the carriage to put my head down and compose myself both mentally and physically. I looked up and glanced at Mike, but he was still knocked out cold, simply making drunken slurred noises in his sleep. Relief flooded over me and I slunk back into my relaxed position. Erwin chuckled and raised his eyebrows at me.

"You're going to have to learn to keep your hands off me when there's our co-workers around."

* * *

><p>I must have fallen asleep in the carriage, because I was awoken by the sound of Hanji's shrill voice in my ear.<p>

"Petraaaaa! We're here sweetie!"

I rubbed my eyes as they adjusted to the bright light around us. It must have been midday the next day for it to look like this. We were in the heart of Wall Sina, and my jaw dropped as I took in the sights. The Capital was full of bright colours, bold clothes that were better than anything my mother could have made. There were stalls selling food that I never thought I'd ever see in my life, food that we'd have to work a month for. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, journalists, writers, poets for the local paper. They had trust in each other, and from what I could tell, they didn't have a care about the Titans or the world outside of their wall. Everyone was so carefree here. This is the life I want to live so badly.

I didn't realise I was gawking until Hanji came over and closed my mouth for me. I went red with embarrassment as my wide eyes stared at Hanji.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed sweetie! It's incredible around here, right! I think we should convince Erwin to let us stay up here a little longer!" she squealed, elbowing my stomach just a little too hard. Moblit rushed over to her, she had obviously gone skipping over to me to get overly excited about her surroundings. Again, he was out of breath, and I held back my laughter as I realised I had never heard this man speak without inhaling 20 times in a sentence.

"Ha-Hanji! We...we've been running late! You and...Mike! Erwin!..Meeting!...Now!" Moblit panted, aggressively pointing at the two men walking into the huge building to our right. Hanji's eyes shot up and she pushed her further up her nose.

"Moblit!", she squealed. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

"I...I...tried! Go!" he screeched, pushing Hanji in the direction that Mike and Erwin went. She quickly ran off, catching up to them in before they even entered the door. Moblit shook his head and let out a laugh, resting his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

"That woman will be the death of me someday." he said, in his normal voice for once.

I smiled at him, as I knew exactly how his friendship worked. Just like mine. He recognised the look in my eyes, and patted me on the back.

"Dita and I are going to our rooms in the Military Police HQ. They're letting us stay there since we're basically doing their dirty work for them. Come with us, we'll show you around and get some food down you. You must be starving!" Moblit said.

Now that he mentioned it, I was ridiculously hungry. I couldn't have eaten much at all on the journey here, and after seeing what food they have in the Capital, I wasn't going to leave without having some. Not before I come back again someday. I nodded my head and picked my cloak up from the carriage, as Dita came back and ushered us both into a tall white stone building with red flags on the doorways.

I spent most of that evening sprawled out on the luxurious chairs, talking to Moblit and Dita, about their lives, about mine. I really feel like we bonded in those few hours we had. Dita had a good sense of humour, and I realised that Moblit was extremely intelligent, despite him running around after Hanji all day, and that made me realise that he's probably the best friend that anyone could have for his loyalty. I felt my eyes slowly closing as I lay next to the warmth of the fireplace.

* * *

><p>I felt myself waking up, and buried my face into the soft, feather pillows under my head. I brought the quilted sheets up to my face as I inhaled the slight scent of perfume. That's when I remembered where I was. I opened my eyes to find myself in a bedroom, painted with reds and golds. The bed was as white and crisp as snow. I could have stayed in that room for the rest of my life. The inside of the Capital was perfect. I had only ever lived in small, lower class environments, and being here was the most beautiful breath of fresh air. I put on my uniform and brushed my hair, making sure I looked presentable for whoever was in this house. I checked the time -11am. Wandering downstairs to the kitchen, I found Erwin, already cooking food. I gave him a shy wave as he stood over the stove, frying bacon.<p>

"Why are you doing that?" I asked him.

"What?"

"Making food for everyone? Surely the Military Police could-"

Erwin broke me off with a low chuckle.

"They offered. A million times over, may I add. No, I like to cook. It's a refreshing change to be able to." he smiled, turning back around to continue.

I walked over and lent against the work-surface alongside of him, watching every step he took. I was more of a cleaner than a chef - that's where I was completely useless.

"What's your favourite food, Petra?", Erwin asked, a curious look in his eyes.

"Um...I like Italian food most, I guess."

"Then that's what I'll make us tonight, when we return from the mission." he said, a smile on his face as he grabbed my ass and pulled me into him, placing a kiss on my lips. I stood up on my toes to be able to reach him properly, and running my arm around his neck, kissed him back.

"But now..." he said, pulling away and starting to serve the food, "we eat."

Just as we sat down, Hanji, Moblit, Dita and Mike came in, as if it were on que. Obviously Hanji was leading the way, and she skipped over to Erwin, squashing his bacon sandwich into her mouth as he stared at her in horror.

"Hanji? What the fu-"

"New tyhmm rwin!" Hanji tried to say between mouthfuls of bacon. She continued talking even whilst trying to swallow it down until she finally gulped it down.

"You've got no time to eat Erwin! So thanks for that! The Military Police want us to go right this second. There's been a sighting of _the man_ just five minutes ago, he's walking right into us!" Hanji squealed.

"Shit" Erwin muttered. My brows furrowed - Erwin wasn't one to lose his cool.

"Petra", he continued, nodding at my sandwich. "Bring that with you. Mike, get the maneuver gear. Dita, meet us by the entrance to the Underground. Keep us updated until we get there. Hanji and Moblit, you're coming with us."

"Yes Commander!" they all shouted in unison, jogging their separate ways.

The mad rush of footsteps deafened me as everyone from both sections were hurrying around. The Military Police were ushering us along, trying to get us there as soon as possible. When we got out the front doors, and started walking towards the entrance to the Underground, Erwin was walking with pace, running his hands through his hair as he tried to push past civilians.

Something gave me the feeling he wasn't ready for this, and if he wasn't, how could I be?


	10. Chapter 10 - The Silent Treatment

We stood at the entrance to the Underground in silence as Erwin and Dita spoke quietly to each other at the side. Erwin's eyes kept darting over towards me as Dita was speaking, and the worried look on his face hadn't gone away. I held my breath as they walked over to the rest of us.

"I'm changing the plan." Erwin boomed with confidence, eyeing each one of us carefully as he continued.

"The criminal is in the centre of the Underground as we speak, meaning he can escape from any direction. We shall individually surround him in a circular formation from the rooftops, instead of our previous formations. This way, we have more chance of bringing him back. If you see him, pursue and capture him on sight, then the rest of us will follow. Any objections?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could, everyone threw their arms into a salute and nodded at the commander.

"No objections, sir!" they shouted.

Erwin smiled as he nodded back to his team. With a swift turn, he span around, swiftly walking into the Underground.

"Good luck. Let's bring this bastard back alive. Onward!" he shouted, as the salutes dropped and we charged in after him. I couldn't help but worry about being on my own in this, but it was too late now. I was in deep.

* * *

><p>As I stood on a rooftop over the Underground, I realised why Aurou didn't want me here. It as a stone wasteland, almost like a cave with a few ragged stalls set up. I looked down upon groups of homeless people crowding around a fire pit, prostitutes standing on street corners alongside creepy thugs, drunk men fighting amongst each other. There was a young girl laid on the sidewalk who looked like she needed serious medical attention, but nobody even glanced at her. My hands shook and my eyes watered as I took everything in. How could people live like this? How were these people not saved from this hell?<p>

I looked to my left and saw Hanji crouched on her roof, ready to spring into action at any moment. I observed my own body language, stood as an awkward snivelling wreck. I could briefly make out the figures of everyone else in the distance, and they were the same as Hanji. They weren't even phased by the sights they saw here. The Survey Corps have dealt with so much in their lives that I don't even think it hurts any more.

My eyes were drawn to the drunk men fighting, as one picked up a glass bottle and held it to the other's throat. They were both middle aged, one fat and dressed slightly better compared to the skinny, frail man in front of him. I wondered why humanity felt the need to prey on the weak, when we have lived in fear of that very thing for decades? This man was nearly as bad as the Titans in the way he treated the people and the world around him. I felt all the disgust and anger rise inside of me, emotions that I never let out. I wanted to go and attack this man so badly, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it to myself, to the law, and to my team. I had to focus. I looked at Hanji, and she wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to the drunkards, or the homeless, or the drug addicts. She was looking for one man in particular, and I realised that I was the worst person for this mission. I should have listened to Gunther when he told me to say no to Erwin. Just like I should have listened to Aurou. They were my best friends and I threw their help back in their faces. I promised them I would come home alive, and even if I failed the mission, at least I'd still mean something to them.

I took one last glimpse at the drunk men, just to cure my curiosity, when another man walked up to them, and with one swift punch, knocked the fat man to the ground. The frail man got to his knees, and I supposed he was thanking the man. It wasn't something you would ever expect. The new man was short in stature, and I would never have guessed someone with that stature could be so strong. He had short dark hair that parted in the middle and hung over his face as he gestured at the frail man to stand. As soon as the frail man stood up, he ran in the complete opposite direction to the dark-haired man, as if he was terrified of him and his strength.

That's when it clicked. This was the man we were here for. I looked at Hanji, and she was still scanning the crowd, oblivious to what had just happened. I couldn't shout over to anyone - we were so far apart that my efforts would have been useless.

I promised Gunther I wouldn't do anything stupid, but what was the stupid thing to do in this situation? Both had consequences. I could ignore the man and betray my team, but that way, I'd stay alive. I could go home to Gunther and Aurou and pretend I never agreed to this. Alternatively, I could go after the man with everything I've got and trust in my team to follow me. It was something that I wasn't sure I could put my faith in - what if they didn't see me?

I knew what was the right thing to do. I took a deep breath and crouched down, double-checking my manoeuver gear without taking my eyes off the man on the ground. Within seconds, I kicked myself off the roof and moved at full speed towards him, but before I could reach him, he span around, his eyes narrowing as he suddenly moved through the air away from me on his own manoeuver gear. My feet skidded along the ground as I brought myself to a halt in the space where he had been. I knew he had manoeuver gear, but I had no idea that he would have that level of skill. I was the fastest of the new graduates, and he was able to avoid me just like that? But I had no time to think about that. I flew in the direction he went, picking up pace as quickly as I could. I couldn't hold back, but something felt so wrong about this whole mission to me. The Survey Corps weren't supposed to fight other humans - nobody was - and this went against everything I wanted to be.

I caught sight of him ahead, kicking my weight off each wall in order to go quicker. I felt the presence of someone behind me, and a gush of relief flooded over me.

That was, until I looked back to realise it was nobody that I knew. There was a girl tailing me, a short girl with scruffy pigtails and a devilish smile. She had her own manoeuver gear, just like the dark haired man, and I realised she was working with him. I realised I'd be trapped within minutes. I tried to move faster towards where the man went, but as I went around the corner, he was nowhere to be seen. I stopped in my tracks in confusion for a split second, but that was my downfall. The second I stopped, the dark haired man was metres away from me, coming towards me at full speed. A speed faster than I could ever go. His eyes were cold, his face expressionless as he charged towards me, swords drawn. My body tensed and I closed my eyes as I braced myself for what was to come.

* * *

><p>Seconds passed, and as I woke up on the floor, I slowly opened one eye to see what the hell was going on.<p>

The man was pinned against the wall by Erwin, Dita standing with him as Hanji, Moblit and Mike were forcing his two accomplices onto the ground. The other accomplice was a young man, with short brown hair and grey eyes. He didn't look much older than me, and I found myself wondering how he managed to get himself into such a terrible place. He must have come into contact with Mike from the other side of the centre.I slowly moved towards them, aware of the space around me. I wasn't taking any chances with anyone after the thugs just cornered me.

Hanji rested her hand on my shoulder, as I got up, obviously sensing my discomfort, and I realised that Moblit and Mike had the boy and girl pinned down on the ground, their hands now in chains. The dark-haired man was on his knees as Dita cuffed him and Erwin stood over him, a smug smile on his face.

"Who taught you how to use manoeuver gear? You're faster than our lovely Petra here, and that's something I never would have expected." Erwin smirked, gesturing at me as I tried to hide my face under the hood of my cloak. But the man didn't look at me. He stared at Erwin with his cold eyes, almost looking through him as if he were nothing. As if he'd hurt Erwin at any chance he could. Something about him made me feel strange, but I just couldn't place what it was. Erwin chuckled as the man stared in silence.

"The silent treatment?" he laughed, wagging his finger at Mike for him to come forward.

"You'd better start talking." Erwin spoke, his voice deadly. When the man didn't respond, Mike grabbed him by the hair and jerked his head to look at Erwin as the thug girl cried out.

"Nobody taught us, okay?!" the girl screamed. The young, brown-haired thug looked up at us, hatred in his eyes.

"We learnt on our own." he spat. "We had to, to survive in this dump. Anyone who doesn't know what sewage water tastes like, wouldn't understand".

A felt a twinge in my heart as he said that, and my sympathetic eyes met his angered ones. Even though these people were thugs who nearly killed me, I felt sorry for them. Nobody should have to live like they did. Mike pushed the dark-haired man onto the ground as he walked over to the two thugs.

"Nobody wanted your opinion." Mike snarled, leaning over them. Erwin was still staring at the dark-haired man, their faces showing the same expression now. Pure hatred.

"What's your name?" Erwin said, smiling and crouching down in front of the man. It worried me how Erwin could fake being so nice to someone in order to keep his cool and get what he wants. The thought that Erwin was a fake terrified me. The dark-haired man narrowed his eyes and spat on the ground next to him, missing Erwin's shoes by millimetres. Erwin grabbed the man's hair and slammed his face into the dirty puddles around them, pushing him down for a few seconds before bringing him back to the surface. The dark-haired man coughed water up, and glared at Erwin, blood leaking from his nose.

"Levi."

"Well, _Levi, _I've decided on giving you two options. First choice, I'll take you to the Military Police as they wanted. But considering your crimes, you'll more than likely be dead within weeks. They're not going to be good to you. Second choice...you join the Survey Corps. We can use that skill of yours. Lend us your strength and I'm willing to ignore all of your crimes."

I gasped at Erwin's words as I tried to comprehend what was going on. We had chased down one of the most notorious thugs in the Underground just to have him join us?

"Fine. I'll join the Survey Corps." Levi spat, realising it was that, or death.

Erwin let out a low chuckle as he beckoned Mike over again, gesturing him towards Levi. Erwin walked over to me, raising his eyebrows at the dried blood around my nose. Without speaking, he walked past me, slowly stroking my hand as he walked past. This time, it didn't comfort me like it should. I felt sick at how Erwin had forced Levi to join us. Even if he was a thug, he deserved to live a life he chose. Everybody deserves the life they want. Erwin had shocked me - I'd seen his good guy façade, and I knew there must be something going on for Erwin not to just turn Levi over to the Military Police like he was supposed to. I felt sick thinking about it.

* * *

><p>My hand was cold where Erwin touched, and I finally took my hood off to look at Levi. Our eyes met, and it felt like we were staring into each others souls for an eternity.<p>

His eyes were grey, sharp, intimidating and dull. Mine of amber, glowing, emotional and full of life.

My mother once told me that opposites, always attract.


	11. Chapter 11

We sat in silence for the entire journey back to HQ. Mike and Erwin took one carriage with Levi, whilst Hanji, Moblit, Dita and I took the other with the two thugs we had learnt were called Isabel and Farlan. It was a long, tiring journey. We couldn't mindlessly drift into a daydream with two thieves sat amongst us.

When we got back, Gunther and Aurou were stood in the courtyard awaiting our return. As soon as I jumped out of the carriage, I went flying towards them, embracing them in the tightest hug I'd ever given.

"I told you I'd be fine", I whispered into Gunther's ear, as he playfully pushed me away and raised his eyebrows at me.

"I'm still allowed to have worried."

Aurou opened his mouth to speak, but as soon as he did, closed it again, staring into the distance behind me. I spun around to see Mike and Erwin escorting Levi into the building, his hands still chained behind his back. Mike and Erwin marched forward, not even acknowledging the three of us. As Levi was forced inside, his eyes met mine, but I was unable to read them. His gaze never broke from mine as they pushed him through the large wooden doors. Gunther stepped back, confused.

"Who the hell was that?" he whispered quickly, as if he knew something was off.

"That...that's the man we had to find...he's joining the Survey Corps..." I whispered back.

"Are you being fucking serious? I thought he'd be the Military Police's problem, I'm sure as hell not comfortable with some Underground freak behind around!"

He looked up behind me, and his face dropped completely.

"You've got to be shitting me."

Isabel and Farlan were being dragged in by Hanji and Moblit, but they were different. Hanji gave a sympathetic look towards Aurou and Gunther, whilst Isabel and Farlan stared at the ground, defeated. It led me back to my thoughts that the only person who really knew what was going on, was Erwin himself. Then again, I wasn't sure even he knew what he was doing.

"What's going on, Petra?" Aurou asked.

"To be honest..I don't even know. Erwin changed the plan last minute, then he basically decided he wasn't giving them to the Military Police...I don't even know, Aurou."

I could see the anger on Gunther's face rising out of the corner of my eye as I spoke.

"Erwin did what? Were you okay? Were you hurt? How can he do that on your first mission?"

I couldn't look at Gunther. I did end up getting hurt, I don't know how long I had blacked out for, but someone had hurt me somehow. I looked at my shoes and closed my eyes. I didn't want Gunther to know, but I couldn't lie. I'd always been a terrible liar when it comes down to things that really happened. I could hide my emotions when I wanted to, but I couldn't ever fully lie.

"Petra? Goddamn Petra, what happened? You were hurt, weren't you? Did you go along with it? Fuck, you just can't say no to him can you!

Aurou suddenly furrowed his brow and his eyes darted between me and Gunther.

"Say no to _who_?"

I stared at Gunther, hurt and betrayed. Accident or not, it hurt me too much that Gunther would even touch on the subject of me and Erwin when Aurou was around. It hurt me more that he thought it was that simple. I didn't even look at Aurou as I pushed past the two of them and stormed into the kitchen. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I thought about how much everything had changed so quickly. Things were constantly changing, too fast for me to keep up with. It was like I couldn't settle for five minutes.

The tears fell down my cheeks and I froze as I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me.

"Are you everywhere that I fucking go?"

I span around, quickly wiping the drops from my cheeks. Levi leant against the door frame, his cool composure not reflecting that of either a thug, nor a man that had been beaten and forced to come here.

"Well?" he asked, staring at me with grey eyes that penetrated right through me.

"I...I'm going." I muttered, grabbing a sandwich from the side and trying to walk as quickly as I could past him. He threw his arm in front of me, blocking the doorway so I couldn't get out.

"What's your name?" Levi asked.

"P...Petra."

He leant in closer to me, his face inches from mine.

"Did I hurt you?" he whispered, his deep voice drowning my thoughts.

"N-No, I'm fine."

"Good. Because if you - _Petra_ - are an example of what I should expect from the Survey Corps, I'll have done my job here in no time."

"I'm new..." I whispered, "That was my first mission."

"Tch. That explains it then. How do you like being an almighty Survey Corps soldier?" he said, his tone sarcastic and dry.

"I like it. I'm...I'm enjoying it here."

"I don't blame you. It's damn better than the Underground. I look out my window here and see flowers, sunlight, people moving freely in their own environment. You have true bliss here...in ways."

I looked up at him, my eyes widening. I didn't expect a man who could drive such fear through my heart to be able to say such things about how beautiful the world is. I thought about how I felt when I was in the Underground. _'How were people not saved from this hell?" _Levi must have lived like that for his entire life. Only the rich were able to leave the Underground and get citizenship. Our eyes met, and I found myself searching for something, something to show me that he wasn't just a cold-hearted bully. Something that could be saved. But there was nothing. As soon as he realised, his brow furrowed, and he leant back from me.

"So what about your Commander? Erwin, was it? You don't think there's something strange with him? I could tell as soon as he invited me here. A newbie like you should be able to tell right away. Damn minions have to much respect for someone, even when they're fucking crazy. That's what he has. Fucking minions."

I was speechless. Levi was right. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't want to admit that. I should trust Erwin, just like everyone on his team does. It had been on my mind all day, but telling a dangerous man that I agree with his theory that my Commander might be doing something suspicious? That wasn't something I was going to do.

"I...I like the Commander. I think...I think I should trust him." I said, my voice cracking. It wasn't a lie..but I wasn't telling the complete truth either. Levi saw right through that.

"You're a terrible liar." Levi's spare hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me with a jolt towards him.

"Something isn't right, and you know it. I'm not the one you should be scared of, _brat._ You really think I'd agree to join the Survey Corps if I didn't have a motivation too? He's up to something and I'm sure as hell going to play my part in it too. You'd be wise to take the right side."

With that, his arm that was blocking me dropped to his side, and I stood there for a moment, staring at him, trying to comprehend what Levi was saying. It wasn't until he pushed me out the doorway himself that I realised. I stumbled forward, trying to take one look over my shoulder at him, but he had already closed the door behind him. My thoughts were a whirlwind in my head, and I knew there was one person who could help me.

* * *

><p>I ran upstairs to Gunther's room, frantically banging on his door. When he opened, his face collapsed in front of me.<p>

"Petra, I'm so sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to-"

I flung my arms around him to break him off, him wrapping them around me.

"It's fine, Gunther. I know you didn't mean to, I just...it's been a long few days. I just...I want to know, what is it about Erwin that you don't like?"

"Oh god. Well...at first, I just didn't think it was appropriate, or even real. I'll be honest, I thought it was just some fantasy you had." Gunther said, letting out a chuckle, before his tone turned serious.

"But it was real, and he made you cry, Petra. You're my best friend and he made you cry. He was your first kiss, and he made you fucking cry. You don't deserve that. I thought he was up to something from the very beginning and I stand by that now. I just...I really don't trust him, Petra. He hurt you, and he's sly, _really sly,_ and I don't trust him."

"Do you think he's up to something now? Honestly? Or were you just saying that to scare me?"

Gunther let out a sigh and sat down on his bed.

"I don't know Petra. At first, honestly? Yes, I was just trying to scare you. Maybe I was even a little jealous that you got to go on the mission. But now? Now I'm happy I wasn't chosen. Again, he hurt you. I don't know if my mind is all over the place because of that, or because I genuinely have a voice at the back of my head telling me that something's not right. Like an intuition. Like something with this just can't be right, because it doesn't fit, y'know. Why? Why do you suddenly care?"

As I stared at him, focusing on his every word, I knew what I had to do. Gunther was right. It was only too obvious that Erwin had me in his plan from the beginning, to use me as some kind of vulnerable bait who would do anything he said. I thought I should have listened to Gunther, and now I knew for sure. I stood up and ran out of Gunther's room, ignoring him shouting my name down the corridor after me. I barged into the kitchen, to find Levi was still there, sat with a glass of whiskey in his hands. As I slammed the door behind me, he stood up, slowly walking towards me.

"I...I think you're right." I whispered to Levi.

"And?"

"I'm taking the right side. I'm taking your side."

I looked up at him, my eyes wide with fear and hope as Levi slowly walked up to me, a small smirk on the corner of his lip as he raised his glass.

"Cheers to that."


End file.
